


my song to you

by ClockworkKeaton



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Blood and Injury, Childhood Trauma, F/F, Femslash, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Character, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-23 11:54:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20339695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClockworkKeaton/pseuds/ClockworkKeaton
Summary: A multichap fic based on Tsubasa and Kanade's friendship as children, the formation of Zwei Wing, and the love between them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay SO I've ALWAYS wanted to write a childhood friends Zwei Wing fic talking about their early years together and the progression of their relationship, how Kanade went from very manic and violent to very playful and loving thanks to the support of Tsubasa and her music that allow her to cope with the trauma of her past. This will be maybe slowburn? Depending on how patient I am oops. Later chapters will eventually take place at S1 intro flashback ages (Tsubasa being 15, Kanade being 17), S1 modern ages (Tsubasa being 17, Kanade 19), and beyond when this inevitably becomes heavily au.
> 
> Theres not much else to say, this chapter is mostly Kanade being mean but i hope you enjoy anyways 😭

Tsubasa walks down the halls of SONG HQ, her brows furrowed in poorly disguised worry and lips pulled tight in a small frown. With how things had been going, she _dreaded _days like today, felt anxiety coil in her gut even just waking up for examinations.

Ever since that Kanade girl got here.

She was in a bad place, Tsubasa understood that much, Genjuro _explained _that much but… something about this girl’s personality was so overbearing, so frantic, so wild and frightful. Coming off of the tail end of the shock of being orphaned, Kanade did not shrink into herself and wilt– she _raged _like a wildfire, eyes intense and filled with fury and frustration and exhaustion. Tsubasa, the mild and meek girl she is with the bare minimal social skills she’s acquired, hardy feels confident in her ability to handle such a domineering girl so very out of control.

And Kanade did not like her, that much was certain. The glares, the way her eyes seemed to follow Tsubasa like a hungry and manic wolf whenever they were in the same room… it was terrifying at times. They hadn’t even spoken a word to each other directly and yet–

“_Hey!”_

The voice is like a shot of ice down her spice, Tsubasa swallowing down a nervous lump in her throat. In all her stewing in her thoughts, she didn’t even _notice _Kanade coming from her own room shortly behind her. It figured, they were heading to the same place at the same time after all, but being caught alone with her when Genjuro wasn’t around to direct Kanade’s attention felt significantly more stressful.

Especially since their first conversation was, evidently, starting out with Kanade catching up to her with ease to make she her deep set scowl was duly noted.

“I’m talkin’ to you..?”

“S…. s-sorry.”

The apology doesn’t seem to do much for the irritation in the older girl’s features, the way she seems to squint just slightly with distaste. Whatever Tsubasa did to cross her, she has no idea, but it must have been a fairly terrible grudge with the look on her face now.

“I’m trying to summon my gear again today.” Kanade begins. Hardly reassuring; the last session ended fruitlessly, Kanade overcharged on LiNKER and furious at her inability to get even the slightest response from Gungnir. Delirious and angry, and just so…. desperate.

“I’ve heard what they all say about you.” She continues, “You’re not _like me, _you don’t…. you don’t have to _try _like I do. ”

Tsubasa has a sinking feeling the source of that resentment might dredge itself up faster than she had been hoping.

“I have to _scream my lungs out _and pump myself full of _drugs _and _beg _for somethin’ to happen, but not Tsubasa. Tsubasa, who’s so _exceptional _that Ame no Habikiri appears like it was just made for her.” Eyes narrow as Kanade offers a scoff under her breath.

Her tone lowers, an unspoken threat, “Gungnir is going to hear me today, even if I have to rip it out of me myself. If you’re gonna coast by on no effort, at least don’t slow me down.”

Just as soon as she’s there, she’s gone, walking off with her hands in shoved haphazardly in the baggy hoodie she wears and Tsubasa is left to contemplate Kanade’s words. It was true that Ame no Habikiri was harmoniously tuned to her, that the relic had awakened to her in a way Kanade could never dream of with her own gear incompatibility, but was that really all it took? A natural penchant for the weapon Kanade so desperately wanted to wield? A disdain for the battle at hand even when she was so indisputably talented with the sword? Tsubasa had to wonder.

And to basically tell her to stay out of her way… Tsubasa has no idea what _that _was about given she had taken to avoiding Kanade like a feral dog lurking around her neighborhood. Whatever it was Kanade thought Tsubasa would do to hold her back later she hasn’t a clue.

With a small sigh, she merely shakes her head and carries on towards the lab for the day’s regime.

* * *

She can’t say she didn’t expect things to go this badly.

For as powerful as Kanade was, as determined and fierce on the battlefield as she could be, her resonance with Gungnir just proved to be pitiful at best. Her song does nothing, barely a twitch of the meter on the large screen overhead, and the longer she tries and tries and tries the more upset, embarrassed, _frustrated _she becomes. Even from behind the steel fence that surrounds the center platform, Tsubasa can see plainly the tremble in her frame and the sweat that glosses her skin.

“I think that’s enough for-”

“_**Not yet.**_” Kanade growls, cutting Genjuro off with a sharp hiss. Even if she was reaching her breaking point here to turn tail with nothing to show would just eat at her worse than it already was. Her bad habit of pushing herself beyond all reasonable limitations was only becoming worse and worse the more clear it became that was the _only _way she would succeed.

Those wild and frantic eyes meet Tsubasa’s own once more, and the stone cold chill that runs through them soon after makes her possibly even more afraid. The only thing that made Kanade more intimidating than her mood swings were these heated moments of clarity, calm but mercilessly committed to whatever it was.

“If I can’t do it…”Kanade begins, only to stop herself , tone sharpening considerably beneath ragged breaths. “_If she’s so good_, then send her in here. Make her do somethin’ for once!”

Oh. Oh no. Tsubasa knew that gears could be used in conjunction to power one another up, it _was _one of the main reasons the two were intended to function as a combat pair, but for it to be so suddenly clear that Kanade intended on using her as the last step stool she needed to hit the mark… Tsubasa wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

Moreover, she wasn’t sure about how she felt about singing with Kanade to begin with.

For as insistent as Genjuro has been about keeping their training separate for the time being, at least until Kanade’s abilities stabilized, it was clear that going on like this was admittedly useless. Telling her that himself would just destroy her when she was so intent on fighting for her own closure, with open wounds still tearing at her heart, but watching her destroy herself trying to become strong? That wasn’t the answer either.

Genjuro sighs, his stern gaze flickering from Kanade to Tsubasa.

“I…. it’s up to you what you want to do.”

_At least don’t slow me down._

Kanade’s words ring in Tsubasa’s head, her lips pursed with thought as she meets the girl’s intense stare with a more resigned one of her own.

“Okay.” She nods solemnly. A moment is spared to undo the gate of the guardrail before she slowly approaches the platform Kanade stands atop. The thought of this duet fills her with unspoken dread; even if the pendants around their neck would attune them to one another, project the words into their hearts in perfect sync, all Tsubasa can focus on is the nausea and paranoia nagging at her.

Their voices harmonize and the meter bleeps with an energy Kanade could never hope to produce on her own, phonic gains brought on by Tsubasa’s halfhearted contribution that surpassed what Kanade could manage laying herself bare, singing out everything she had.

And it’s still not enough.

Ame no Habikiri hears her call with the same immediance as always, sleek blue armor following at nothing more than the activation chant. Gungnir is characteristically stubborn, Kanade still donning her training uniform as she tries, and tries, and _tries _to use their synchronicity to get that last extra push.

Even when Kanade’s hand snags hers, grip firm and insistent as she glares the younger girl down _urging _her to _sing_, just _sing harder_, all she has to show for it is a pendant just barely glowing, an orange meter that won’t quite hit 100% and turn red. So close, and yet so far.

With Kanade edging on the verge of a breakthrough, so intensely wrapped up in her deep and powerful singing, so firmly snagging her wrist and _squeezing _with desperation, Tsubasa doesn’t even notice her next move until it’s far too late. A strong note turns into a _yell _of _agony_, Kanade’s free hand shoving a LiNKER vial ( one she no doubt stole and hid in her jacket no less ) to her neck with deadly conviction. Even through the pain it obviously brings her, the bone chilling electric shock it sends through her nerves and the violent tremors it earns, her lyrics persist through a snarl of ache and disorientation. A song utterly twisted by blind revenge.

Tsubasa yells in surprise, jolting back from Kanade with enough force to free her hand, and the drop in the meter is drastic the second her voice no longer bolsters their song. The LiNKER seems content to make up the distance however and the sharp plummet is followed by an immediate surge as Gungnir blares to life, no doubt in part thanks to the intense build up and the great energy Ame no Habikiri naturally emanates.

Even with the anger washed from Kanade’s features, she looks startlingly _terrible. _Blood pours from her nose and mouth, enough that she has to cough frantically to clear her airways and catch her breath. Staff chatters loudly as the try their best to stabilize the situation and Genjuro rushes to Kanade’s side with the same worry in his eyes as before.

And yet still, the armor is there. Gungnir is awake and its power fully activated. For as few times as they’ve managed it in lab tests, and even fewer times with an actual wielder, it should feel _incredible _but it just feels…. sickening. Terrifying.

Tests are called off for the next few days, likely to give Kanade time to adequately recover from the strain even if as much isn’t outright said.

Still, watching her be escorted from the room by nurses… she looks atrocious, in such obvious and appallingly condition. Skin is clammy and deathly pale, blood still drips and pours from her face all over her clothes and the floor, stains and splatters still cover arms and legs that tremble with the effort to stay upright and limbs that seem to jerk and jolt violently from the unbearable tension inside her.

Their first song together, and Tsubasa feels like she’s going to be sick right there.

Genjuro must see the distraught look on her face as she tries to process everything that happened and before she knows what’s going on, she’s pulled into a tight hug by the only man who ever really sufficiently felt like family to her.

“Tsubasa… don’t… resent Kanade-kun. I don’t think she wants to hurt anyone but…” A deep frown furrows his brows, a low sigh following. “If someone doesn’t reach her sooner or later, I think the person she’ll end up hurting the most is herself. I don’t think this is the person she truly is inside, deep down, and I… we’re doing what we can for the time being but I expect it’ll be a while before she’s… processed the _shock _of everything and…”

He tapers off, lips pursing as silence settles over them. The most he can think to do is offer a reassuring pat to Tsubasa’s shoulder and offer a kind, if tired, smile.

“If you can find it in you, please be patient with her. What she needs more than anything right now is someone to be a friend, to be by her side even when she’s determined to be alone. Do you understand?”

A friend? Tsubasa would hardly call the girl who threatened her, glowered her down, bled on her was a _friend. _But… thinking back to the person who was escorted out, the girl who looked too small and too scared, who’s wrathful eyes just faded to an almost empty exhaustion and a hollow aching smile, Tsubasa can’t say she’d like to consider someone hurting so profoundly an enemy either. Unfortunately it wasn’t as easy or simple as just liking or disliking Kanade and Tsubasa doubts it ever really will be, not when Kanade seemingly didn’t even like herself or anything around her.

“I… I can try.” She finally mumbles into the fabric of Genjuro’s shirt, almost childish in her need for solace while her heart pounds away in her chest with that same fevered rhythm from moments ago.

And as she cries messy and hiccuped tears, she wonders what it is that tugs so tightly in her chest.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time she sees Kanade isn’t for another four days, and just as one would expect it’s exactly as sudden as it was the first time around.

Tsubasa’s eyes are pried from her phone when she hears the sudden clatter of a tray set across the cafeteria table from her, only to glance up to see Kanade inviting herself to take a seat. She seemed… not as disastrous. Loosely, anyways; despite the color returning nicely to skin and an overall more steady and less heated demeanor, there was still the matter of the bags under her eyes and the brace around her neck. Tsubasa has no doubt she probably blew out her vocal chords pretty badly the other day so it’s hardly a surprise.

The real surprise was that she was _here _of all places, and as much must be obvious when Kanade glances up to meet her gaze. If not for how nonchalant she seems about it all, if a bit annoyed, Tsubasa might even wonder if Kanade had even noticed her sitting there to begin with.

“Genjuro-san said I should sit with you.” Her voice is low, rough, coarse. Tired.

“I… o-oh.”

That explained it then. Tsubasa isn’t sure if the gesture is more for the sake of getting Kanade a friend or herself one with how overly concerned her uncle had been lately. Still, it’s hard to begrudge him, especially when it seemed even Kanade had whatever level of respect she could muster for a person when it came to Genjuro. If she can do that much, then Tsubasa can humor her uncle’s request she be… as friendly as a person like her can manage, anyways.

“You look…. b-better.” Tsubasa offers, an awkward clear of her throat following as her gaze averts to the tray of food in front of her. Something about Kanade’s eyes just made her feel very… nervous. “I’m glad you’ve recovered a bit.”

Kanade glances up from her own food, a brow raised almost in slight disbelief Tsubasa was even bothering to try and keep up conversation. Every time she’s seen the girl has been the same story– she shrinks down into herself, keeps her head low, mumbles inconsequential responses at best. Mousy.

“They got me on a bunch’a medicine.” Kanade offers in response. That explained a lot of it, specifically how much less _irate _she was. Tsubasa can only assume having a few days in the ER‌ to build up something-or-another in her system for the mood swings did more good for her than anything.

“I should be fine in a week or somethin’.” She continues, pausing just long enough for a few coughs and a sip of her water bottle. “I‌ have to get all the LiNKER‌ outta my system before we can get back to testing anyways. Faulty data, or whatever.”

Tsubasa’s brows furrow. She didn’t like the sound of _that. _Every time she’s seen Kanade inject herself with LiNKER it’s been an ordeal of pain, of _blood_, and awful to watch at that. She’s surprised she hasn’t had nightmares about the other day with how horrifying it all felt to see unfold.

Maybe it’s a bit too obvious of a worry though, with how Kanade rolls her eyes as she stabs at a piece of meat.

“It’s not usually that bad. I overdosed, is all.” A reductive way of putting it and even Kanade knows that. LiNKER already wasn’t… _great_, for a person… but her making a habit of injecting exorbitant amounts of whatever dose she can find with no care in the world was certainly not going to have a great ending. “The plan was to build up little doses ‘till I‌ could summon Gungnir myself but…”

A pause as she stabs at a vegetable, “That’s not workin’ out, so we’re gonna start with the lowest dose’ve LiNKER‌ I‌ can work with ‘n then maybe wean me off’a it later if it gets any easier for me. Somethin’ like that.”

“That…. doesn’t sound very good for you though…” Tsubasa mumbles quietly, earning her a scoff from Kanade.

“I’m fine. Mind your own business.”

There was that hostility again; Tsubasa makes a face, glances to the side, fidgets in place under the awkward and tense atmosphere. Kanade, however, seems more unaffected than one would think.

“Anyways… I wanted to say sorry for the other day.” She’s interrupted by a small, confused noise from Tsubasa, one that earns another huff and roll of her eyes in response. “Geez, what d’you think of me anyways? I’m not… always the worst. Anyways.”

She groans, continuing on, “I‌ was a dumbass on a lot of fronts. Shouldn’tve gotten myself put in the ER, and I‌ probably shouldn’t have been such a bastard to you and Genjuro. I was just… er…. rough day.”

Rough week, more like. Things were getting to her lately more than she cared to admit. Still, Tsubasa seems somewhat satisfied with this, offering a small, meek if awkward smile in response.

“It’s okay, Amou-san. Um… I-I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

Not necessarily a lie, though she can’t deny some bit of that was more out of the sake of self preservation. She’d rather not be on the bad side of a girl so brash and, uh…. big.

Kanade herself seemed resigned to changing the subject, offering a stare that can only be described as judgmental as she leans over to stab her fork at some food on her plate. Pickled something-or-another?‌ The flavor was too much for her.

“Why aren’t you eatin’ your food?”

“E-Eh…? I-It’s so sour though…”

“Oh please,” Kanade snorts, offering yet another roll of her eyes. In spite of her reaction, she continues picking off the scraps herself without so much as a hint of permission. “Don’t such a kid.”

“T-That’s mine…!”

“Hm?‌ I‌ thought it was too sour-”

“W-Well… y-yes but…”

Embarrassing, humiliating even. Tsubasa feels her cheeks flood with color as she tries to muster up a glare, one that ends up being closer to a childish pout. Certainly nothing that’d intimidate the girl in front of her, that was for sure.

“I’m done here anyways.” Kanade mumbles around a mouthful of food as she snags the last all but the last piece from Tsubasa’s own tray. “Tell Genjuro-san we ate together so he’ll quit naggin’ me. He’s just gonna assume I’m lyin’ until you back me up.”

A line drawn in the sand. An almost indignant _don’t get the wrong idea, we’re still not friends or anything. _Still,‌ Tsubasa simply sighs and offers a small nod.

“Of course. Good luck with your recovery, Amou-san.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kanade pwease no bully

Their next encounter, it’s actually Tsubasa who runs into Kanade for once.

Kanade herself was situated on one of the large sofa chairs in the lounge of HQ, seemingly preoccupied with a game in her hands and headphones over her ears. Despite still being on leave from training her health has improved considerably– the brace around her neck was finally removed a bit ago and that sickly look was finally starting to leave her face. 

“Amou-san?”

Kanade blinks at the vague, muffled sound of her name. After a moment of pausing her music and slipping the headset around her neck, she glances over to catch the expectant gaze of her junior. 

“What?”

“Oh! It’s… not much, really.” Tsubasa confesses awkwardly. “I was just a little surprised to see you out here is all. You don’t usually, um… spend much time out of your room.”

True enough, but being stuck in the same cramped space while feeling beyond crummy got old really fast. If Kanade had to spend one more day laying around her bed or dealing with doctors from sun up to sun down, she was going to riot. Even if it was easy to understand they wanted her to take it easy until she made a full recovery, it just felt like all of this was ridiculous and unnecessary. She could at least be doing… something.

Still, it’d probably get to her more if the medication didn’t temper her moods so much and didn’t leave her feeling so profoundly tired. She can’t say if it’s just a side effect of whatever this particular ‘anti-depressant’ was or it they were slipping her something else to keep her somewhat sedated as well, but at this point it was hard to care. With the worst of her initial rages subsided, she mostly just felt exhausted and maybe even a little frustrated.

“I got bored.” Kanade huffs, reclining back in her seat further. It isn’t until she notices Tsubasa’s intent stare that she follows up with an additional,“What do you want? Geez.”

Tsubasa blinks, maybe with the realization she was being a bit inept again. To say she had a lot of careless habits that offput her peers would be putting it mildly; she’s honestly never been the type to be outstandingly self aware after all.

“A-Ah, sorry.” She offers an apologetic bow of her head. “I was just thinking that I don’t think I’ve seen you wearing something so casual before, Amou-san. It’s… very different.

Kanade blinks, brows furrowed as she glances down at herself. Oh right. She forgot she was still wearing some sweatpants and an old T-shirt of hers. Given that she tended to keep to herself and only ever really interacted with Tsubasa on a work basis, places like in the training room or at the cafeteria, it was almost understandable enough but something about the blunt remark feels almost… embarrassing. 

If she didn’t know better she’d think this dull sword was calling her slovenly and slobbish.

“So what?” Kanade mutters with a snort. “I live here, you know. You think I’m gonna be wearing my work clothes in the middle of the night?”

Fair point.

“I-I didn’t mean–”

“I know.” Kanade cuts her off before she can sputter out another haphazard and frantic apology. Seriously, what was with this girl? It was like she didn’t think about a damn thing she said and then had a fit if anyone so much as stared at her too hard. A little spineless for someone supposedly from a long line of great warriors, she couldn’t help but think. “Chill out. You keep looking at me like I’m gonna reach over and beat your ass or somethin’.”

“Er…” 

Tsubasa couldn’t say she wasn’t confident it was out of the question. Still, a Kanade just offers another roll of her eyes at her hesitance. 

“If I wanted to, I would’ve done it by now.”

Tsubasa seems to consider the response for a moment, lips pursed thoughtfully as she seems to mull over Kanade’s general… mood. For as characteristically annoyed as she seemed to be with Tsubasa’s own meeker nature and the air of tension that naturally seemed to follow her, she wasn’t exactly mad or snippy today. So maybe with a little confidence to her small-talk, Tsubasa could get away with one more question that was admittedly eating at her.

“What’s on your shirt?” 

Okay, maybe that one came out a bit too strong, too sloppy, too sudden. Tsubasa had blurted the question out before she could even think to word it a bit more eloquently and even Kanade doesn’t know what to do at first other than blink in confusion and knit her brows.

“Er… what?” She says, tone almost in disbelief over how stupid and inconsequential of a thing it was to ask in the first place let alone with such weird urgency. “This thing? It’s just… like… you know, that mascot from that one cartoon or whatever? The damn thing is all over the place, I have no idea how the hell you don’t recognize it. What, do you not go outside or something?”

Cartoon…? Oh. That explained it. Tsubasa had never really been one for childish, girlish nonsense that her peers were always wrapped up in, not when she never had the time to be and her upbringing did little to facilitate it. Beyond the Kazanari household being incredibly beholden to old traditional values, she herself was so frightfully out of touch it was hard to even try to interact with the things intended for people her age.

It all felt so incredibly foreign, strange, confusing even.

Still, if Kanade liked this… whatever it was… dog? Fox? Maybe a cat? Surely there was some novelty to it. It wasn’t as if this was a person overflowing with enthusiasm for very much from what Tsubasa could tell and she can’t imagine Kanade being the type to dress all that ‘cutely’.

Granted, before now she didn’t even know what she’d imagine Kanade to wear and that fact alone leaves her with little room to do anything but concede she was absolutely clueless about this girl.

Still, bright blue eyes flit to the stylized letters along the bottom of the shirt, maybe some name or brand or series, and she makes a note in the back of her mind to maybe give it a search on her phone later. For curiosity sake. 

“I don’t… get out much.” Tsubasa concedes awkwardly. Surprisingly enough, her response is enough to earn a laugh from Kanade, one seemingly genuine though probably more at her expense than anything. The sound is so surprising, so sudden, that Tsubasa can’t help but feel a strange flutter in her chest and a twist in her stomach.

“You don’t say? Man, you’re weird as hell.”


End file.
